


Second Guesses

by BeccaAnne814



Series: Bucky Barnes x Reader Oneshots [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Probably a curse word or two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22113664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccaAnne814/pseuds/BeccaAnne814
Summary: If she'd known how it was all going to end, would she have made the same choices?
Relationships: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Series: Bucky Barnes x Reader Oneshots [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/772437
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Second Guesses

**Bucky Barnes x Reader**

**Summary** – If she'd known how it was all going to end, would she have made the same choices? 

**Warnings** – Angst, Fluff…probably a curse word or two

**Word Count** – 1.5K

**Notes:** At the end.

_ ** [Masterlist](https://beccaanne814.tumblr.com/post/174989754188/masterlist) ** _

[[MORE]]

If she'd known how it was all going to end, would she have made the same choices? As she sat by the bed listening to the steady beat of his heart on the monitor beside her, she tried to figure out when everything had turned to shit.

Obviously watching Bucky take a bullet for her less than two hours ago was one of the top contenders for when the tide had turned against them. There had been no reason for him to step in front of the bullet—she'd been wearing a vest. Sure, she'd be in a hell of a lot of pain at the moment from taking a slug to the chest, but she'd willingly trade his pain for her own, especially since his injuries were much more serious than the few bruised ribs she would've suffered.

But Bucky getting shot wasn't where it had all gone wrong.

Maybe it had been when he'd told her he loved her, she thought. Boy had that come out of left field. She cared about him—everyone knew that—but love? Were they really in a place where they could even entertain the idea of love? Look at where love had gotten Tony? Or Clint? Or Scott? Or hell, look at Steve—he was the poster boy for why you didn't fall in love in their line of work.

He'd told her he loved her just before they'd left for the mission and it had thrown her for a loop. She knew her silence had spoken volumes, but he'd caught her off guard and she hadn't known what to say. Guilt had settled deep in her gut when those beautiful blue-grey eyes had clouded over with dejection, and she'd been distracted during the entire mission. Was that why she hadn't noticed the HYDRA agent coming straight for her with guns blazing?

Why couldn't he have just been content to keep things the way they'd been? Things had been going great—or so she'd convinced herself. If she were being completely honest with herself—which she rarely was—she'd have to admit that her life had started taking a nosedive the moment she'd fallen into his bed the first time. Not that the sex wasn't good. It was amazing. But it was a complication neither one of them needed. She'd insisted they keep things casual. He hadn't really wanted a friends with benefits relationship, but she'd started touting her old line about the mission coming first and romantic entanglements messing with the team dynamic. It was her standard M.O. whenever she'd taken a new S.H.I.E.L.D. agent as a bed buddy for a few months. Those guys knew how the game was played and no one ever got hurt. 

But Bucky had gotten hurt. 

Not only had she broken his heart, she was the reason he was lying broken and bleeding in a hospital bed. If she'd kept her hormones in check, none of this would be happening.

She muttered a curse as she admitted that sleeping with Bucky wasn't the true cause of all of her problems. It went deeper than that, and she hated herself for it. She hated that she'd been weak when she prided herself on her strength above all else. She should've known better. She should've taken steps to ensure something like this never happened, but she was only human after all, and humans made mistakes all the time.

The real reason they were where they were was because she'd been the one to screw up. She'd been the one to allow her life to head down a path she knew better than to ever traverse. She could lie to herself all she wanted, but deep within her soul she could still remember the exact moment her entire life had changed.

It had been a seemingly normal day. A Saturday, if she remembered correctly. The sun had been shining as she'd finished up her run along the river bank by the Compound. It had been springtime because she remembered seeing the daffodils starting to bloom and she'd always had a fondness for their happy little yellow faces.

Steve had been gone for a few days, but she'd heard the Quinjet touch down on the tarmac as she'd followed the path out of the woods from the river. Tony had been moody and she'd kept her distance from him while Steve had been gone so she wouldn't end up on the receiving end of his caustic tongue. That man had a temper and he didn't care who bore the brunt of it when he was in a rage. He'd always apologize later on, but it never lessened the sting of his words. But avoiding Tony meant she hadn't been privy to the real reason why Steve had left.

She could still remember standing there waiting for her friend to exit the plane. She could still remember how simple her life had been up until that point. But then he'd walked into view and that had been the end of all her carefully laid plans.

James Buchanan Barnes.

She'd walked over so Steve could formally introduce her to his oldest friend and that had been the moment when life as she'd known it had ended. He'd turned those soulful eyes onto her and graced her with a heart-stopping smile and the woman she'd thought she'd been had died right then and there. It had hit her harder than any punch she'd ever taken, and although she'd never felt that particular emotion before, she recognized it immediately.

She was in love.

Love at first sight was for fools and fairytales, but somehow Cupid's bow had sent a heart-shaped arrow straight through her. It was a painful feeling, but comforting at the same time. Looking back on it now, she still couldn't understand how such conflicting emotions could work together so harmoniously, but they did.

If she'd been smart, she would've asked Fury for a transfer immediately, but she'd convinced herself she could handle it. She could push her feelings for the former HYDRA assassin down within the deepest recesses of her soul and continue on like nothing was different. But she'd underestimated the power of love. She'd refused to believe that one emotion could completely change the entire course of her life.

Now as she stared down at the unconscious face of the man she'd loved for almost a year, she realized just how powerful love could be. But was it powerful enough to will someone back from the brink of death?

Swallowing a sob, she reached out and took his right hand. Holding it in one of her own, she carefully traced over the lines on his knuckles and the scars that marred his flesh. This hand had seen so much, had caused so much pain, but it had also caressed her with tenderness she hadn't thought possible from someone so haunted by his own demons.

"Don't you dare die on me," she whispered as tears began to stream down her face. "You have to live so I can tell you that I love you. I've loved you since the moment I first met you, but I was such a fool. I've pushed you away, and now I may never get the chance to tell you that you were right." She paused as she began to chuckle. "Did you hear that? You were right, Barnes. God, I hate admitting that, but I'll willingly tell you you're right every day for the rest of my life if you just wake up."

Her chest constricted and she suddenly found it hard to breath. She wasn't one to give into her emotions easily, but right now every emotion she'd ever repressed seemed to be fighting to reach the surface and it didn't matter that she wasn't capable of handling it.

Leaning over, she laid her head gently on his chest and let the tears flow freely. When she felt a cold metal finger wipe a tear from her cheek, she bolted upright and gazed into the eyes she'd never thought she'd see again.

"I don't think I heard you correctly the first time," he whispered hoarsely. "Say it again."

Reaching up to frame his face in her hands, she leaned in and brushed her lips across his. "I love you, Bucky. I've always loved you."

"I know that, doll," he said as he rolled his eyes. "I meant the part about me being right. I want to hear you say that again."

Laughter bubbled up within her and she knew in that moment that he was going to be just fine. He'd always be a snarky son of a bitch, but he was her snarky son of a bitch. Maybe falling in love with him hadn't been the end of her life, but rather, the beginning.

______________

Author's Note: Thank you for reading Day 84 of my writing challenge! I hope you enjoyed it! This prompt has intimidated me since the moment I read it at the beginning of the month. I truly had no idea how I was going to write this story until I sat down at the keyboard and started typing. Now that it's finished, I kinda love the way it turned out. What about you guys? Do you love this one as much as I do? I look forward to your comments and if you enjoyed this story, please consider reblogging!


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